Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray this pager does not beep

Please no risky extubations

Please no lengthy explanations

Please no 4AM calls for section

Please no swallowed razors in corrections

In this county, please no riots

Keep all the guns locked up and quiet

Keep the drunks out of their cars

Keep rabble-rousers behind bars

Keep all jigsaws out of hands

Keep all the Nattys in their cans

Keep all the rusty knives in blocks

Let all the crack stay formed in rocks

Let all the brains stay mass effectless

Give all the semi-urgents breakfast

Let every epidural work

Let no vascular disasters lurk

Let nobody’s water break

Let nobody’s RLQ ache

Let me not hear that timeout bell

Let not one fetus have decels

Let no heart failure be end stage —

Beep beep beep… “This is anesthesia, returning a page…”