When the needle punctures,

I feel it viscerally through

numbing medications given

only minutes before.

Such pain endured

for what is the alternative?

A choice between

this pain, hair falling out,

side effects too many to name

or cells endlessly dividing

without end.

Where would I be

without my oncologist,

nurses, care team,

so many people

helping me heal.

I do my best to

not flinch

or cry

or shout.

My fingernails

freshly manicured

dig through skin.

I grip onto consciousness.

This is the best

I can do.

My breaths sharpen

against pain.

My chest tightens as

hands meticulously

maneuver around

my body.

I do my best to

lie still,

breathe deeper.

Am I making you

proud?