https://orcid.org/0000-0002-4568-4114
Count backwards from 100, and I will begin to give you the anesthesia
100 mcg fentanyl
99 days of symptoms
98 % Spo2
97 minutes spent researching “whipple”
96 platelet count
95 diastolic pressure after laryngoscopy
94 alk phosphatase
93 chloride
92 minute wait time at the first surgery appointment
91 days since last cigarette
90 mm oral airway
89 times cursing God, asking: “why me? why now?”
88 times praying to God asking His help to pull through
87 blood glucose
86 number of different scrub hats I’ve seen today
85 kg
84 MAP
83 tears shed by my love when my fate was shared
82 SBP after propofol induction
81 mg aspirin
80 mg succinylcholine
79 minutes spent in pre-op getting ready for surgery
78 people in my graduating class
77 age my mother died
76 mph to make it to hospital on time
75 mg Lyrica
74 seconds of “taking big breaths” with mask over my face
73 steps from check-in to the pre-op room
72 BPM
71 people in my graduating class still alive
70 cc’s suctioned from NG
69 inches
68 GFR
67 years old
66 PaO2
65 minutes spent with Father John when I got the news
64 degrees in the OR
63 seconds getting IV in in pre-op
62 seconds getting 2nd IV in OR, this one a 14 gauge
61 age of my father’s death
60 cc’s of local for TAP block
59 minute phone call with my sister yesterday
58 AST
57 % ejection fraction
56 minutes spent with my love getting our finances in order
55 cc’s urine output during second hour of surgery
54 pack years
53 age when my first daughter got married
52 times asked, “why do you look so yellow?”
51 whipples performed by surgeon in last year
50 mg rocuronium
49 minute car ride to hospital
48 days since my last drink
47 minutes spent in long embrace with my love when we took in my fate
46 age when twin towers fell
45 questions answered at the last visit with the surgeon
44 ceiling tiles from pre-op to the OR
43 degree bair hugger setting
42 ALT
41 years of marriage
40 mg lidocaine
39 hematocrit
38 PTT
37 degrees esophageal temp probe
36 years of oldest child
35 years spent in career
34 ETco2
33 text messages wishing me well
32 days mentally preparing for surgery
31 hairs standing on the back of my neck
30 cc’s aspirated for day of surgery labs
29 PT
28 intact teeth
27 BMI
26 years’ experience for surgeon
25 mg HCTZ
24 stoplights on the way here
23 lb weight loss
22 cm at the lips
21 age I fell in love
20 gauge IV
19 years in the same home
18 Fr foley
17 “get better soon” cards sitting on the mantle
16 breaths per minute
15 cc’s of propofol
14 grandchildren, and one on the way
13 hemoglobin
12 lead EKG
11 hours NPO
10 mcg ephedrine
9 hours expected surgical time
8 bilirubin
7 internal diameter endotracheal tube
6 cm thyromental distance
5 children waiting for a phone call
4 mg decadron
3 macintosh blade
2 eyes taped shut
1 endotracheal tube in
0 fear
